Pre-teen years and girls

First off I love all my kids and step-kids. I know each child is different and that even if you raise kids from the moment they are born the same way they will not turn out the same way. I have raised a son Michael who is 24 years old, my step son Jordan is 20 and I have been in his life for about 5 1/2 years. My son was a little bit of a challenge mainly because he didn’t like school, he is very smart but didn’t like sitting in a classroom all day. My stepson is special needs and was beyond a handful mainly because he didn’t and still doesn’t like consequences for his actions nor does he like to do anything that might resemble work. Well with my oldest daughter Paige who is now almost 22 years old I got blessed. During her pre-teen and teen years she was amazing.. Heck she was never one to cause me grief or trouble.

With Paige and my Michael I raised them on my own. I did not have someone to help discipline them or get on them if needed. Their grandparents were involved in their lives but I was their mom and their dad. Yes there was challenges and many proud moments. I probably made my share of mistakes but I have been told that I did a great job with them. Now 1 is in the Army and 1 is a Senior in college and set to graduate in May. I might cry at this graduation. With Jordan I came in his life way too late to do much. I tried but the damage in his upbringing had been long done. My husband didn’t custody of him till he was 11 years old and by that time a lot of damage had been done. So 5 years later when I came in all I could do was keep trying and then when he hit adulthood and put his hands on me I said I was done with him.

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I am not sure if the way younger girls nowadays behave has really changed that much over the years, if I got extremely lucky with my oldest girl or what… But man all I can is my almost pre-teen girl and my oldest are night and day for behaviors for this age. Now I can promise you I have continued to pretty much raise my 2 youngest kids KaytLynn and Izabella and continuously attempt to raise my 2 step-daughters the same as I raised my oldest kids.  I always hear people say “when I was their age, we didn’t do that”, in reference to how some kids act now a days and honestly a lot of the time I want to call them on it because I don’t believe it. Hell I was a kid who caused trouble, snuck out, skipped school, smoked, drank and just did not show respect the way I was raised to. There are plenty of us now adults who were like that as a kid. I think as adults we like to push our pre-teen and teen behaviors to the back of our minds because we are embarrassed by how we acted, we don’t want to admit that our generation is not that much different than the younger generation when it came to teen years and we just don’t want to think of how stupid we acted.  We back talked and we lied to our parents just like kids do now. It may seem more prevalent now I think in large part because we tend to share it on social media whether it is our own kids or someone else’s acting all a fool. 

With my step-daughters Adrianna and Sidney I have almost no say in their upbringings since they are with their moms more than our house for the most part. When we have all 4 (only 2 are really in those pre-teen years right now) of the younger girls in the house it tends to be a bit crazy. But hey that is not what this post is all about. It is about those pre-teen girls and the craziness they can present.

With each one we have to try and find ways to approach their issues differently. KaytLynn who is 11 has tom boy tendencies but still likes her hair and make-up done. She is I am pretty sure hard core into puberty and her emotions are all over the place. She is a sweet, caring and wonderful child but man the attitude some days is enough to get to a mom. She is with my husband and I full-time and goes to her dad’s house usually on longer breaks from school due to the distance we all have to drive. We have a pretty close relationship but I can tell she at times struggles with it all.

So I make sure I am there if she needs me. I rarely will just let it go or let her walk away. I will try to work through those emotions with her. There are times I let her go to her room for a bit but I will go later and discuss things with her. Kids do need to learn how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way but they need guidance at the same time. She has this bubbly personality which is pretty contagious. She has recently gotten into really helping around the house, of course being able to earn money for it is a very strong incentive I am sure.

With girls especially those in their pre-teen and teen years you have to find what works for them to help them deal with the issues they face. They are dealing with ever changing emotions, their bodies are going through changes, they struggle with the desire to fit in, and are dealing with peer pressure on top of wanting to keep their parents happy. Yes believe it or not they do want to please their parents but they are also confronted with determining where they are going in life. They are trying to become individuals, trying to keep up with their friends, and dealing with what society tells them they should or should not do. They have conflicting messages coming at them for how they should dress, talk, act and present themselves. Think back to when you were their age we had the same things going on but now they have it more in their face on a daily basis.

Kids do not come with instruction manuals for us on how to raise them. We have all struggled with things when raising our kids. And guess what kids do not have an instruction manual on how to do with all that comes at them as they grow up. I mean think back to being a pre-teen and all that we had to deal with. It wasn’t easy for many of us and we didn’t have social media or cell phones like kids do now. All we had to worry about was having the latest fad when it came to clothes. Now kids have to worry about having the best cell phone, having tik tok, Facebook, snapchat, and so much more on top of their clothes they wear. They have parents who are telling them to behave a certain way, society tells them to behave a certain way and many times they are being told by friends they need to act another way. 

So the next time you see or hear of a pre-teen acting a fool give the parent(s) an encouraging word. Maybe you have already raised your kids and made it past this stage remember instead of criticizing think back to what your kid may have done that you have no clue about or maybe you do know what they did, or maybe you have younger ones who haven’t hit that age yet just remember they will. They say it takes a village to raise a child, we took that mentality away and criticize each other instead of lending a helping hand or advice to those struggling with these everyday issues of raising our children. Embrace change because before you know it they are grown and out of the house